Today was a struggle for sure. I have these moments often of depression and despair, where it's hard for me to breath, my brain is racing full of negativity. Sometimes I feel like if I had a gun I would blow my brains out, because it hurts so bad. In these moments I make rash decisions, say untruthful things, and think in black.
This usually last only a few hours but can do damage that just makes shit worse. Possible Betty is hard at work at these moments.
Betty is the name of my episodes I have since I have borderline personality disorder. I was diagnosed 6 years ago and this mental illness has been love and hate.
Anyways I know being self aware can make the difference, I want to teach myself to pinpoint these moments of delusional despair and do something to ride it out with making nothing worse. It's funny because hours afterwards I feel completely different, hopeful, peaceful, and clear.
What a fucking roller coaster!
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